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Bad American Male
Note: Not really humor, but I had no better place to put it. I received the following text in an Email. While not every statement is true for me, I generally agree with the sentiment.
The Bad American Male
I've been told that I am a BAD American man, the country's worst nightmare.
Am I a BAD American man?
I like 4-wheel drive vehicles, guns, and firm hooters.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squeezing out babies.
I don't think knowing how to use a weapon makes you a crazed killer.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I don't really care that you tag folks like me as a racist, homophobe, or misogynist; but I am pissed as hell if you say that I personally bully folks based on their race, religion, sexual orientation, or gender.
I think Kwanzaa is a marketing scam. Heck, so are some of the others.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac in America, you do it in English.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions, ill thought-out actions, or the only rationale for additional social programs.
I want to know when MTV became such crap.
I think getting a hummer IS sex, and I don't gave a damn that Clinton got his in the Oval office, but I object fiercely that he lied about it under oath, suborned perjury, and tampered with witnesses to try and cover it up.
I know what the definition of "is" is.
I think Oprah's eyes are way too far apart.
I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet, but I like to netsurf and going to whatever sites I choose.
I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.
I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osborne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, despite personally considering the lyrics of most of their songs trash.
I think that being an art student doesn't give you any more insight than working at Blockbuster.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, and they can do it in their schools and before football games.
My heroes are John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, Norman Schwartzkopf, Colin Powell and whoever canceled "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" and "Titans."
I think creative violence and gratuitous nudity and sex makes bad-guys deader and movies more interesting.
I don't hate the rich, and I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake, but I still think that Goldberg could kick your butt.
I think global warming is "Chicken Little" junk science.
I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-hell-up.
Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh.
I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a 6 year old with a Play Station.
I want to know exactly which church it is where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, and who it was that elected him and Rev. Al Sharpton the spokespersons for all black Americans.
I think explosions are cool.
I don't care where Ellen DeGeneres puts her tongue, and it shouldn't be a factor to keep her on the air if her jokes aren't funny and her acting is poor.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.
I worry about dying before I get even.
I figured out Bruce Willis was dead midway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed it anyway.
I think turkey bacon sucks.
I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are not gonna be honor roll middle-class high school kids but gang-banging losers from the wrong side of town.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent with a firm voice, a firmer hand, and a loving heart.
I know right from wrong and so does almost everyone else, so it angers me that we keep making excuses for criminal behavior and turing a blind eye when we should be demanding that people be held responsible for their actions.
I think that way too many social programs are simply pay-offs for block votes.
I think piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement rather than some bullshit pin-cusion fad.
I like hot women, hard liquor and taking a hefty bowel movement, but don't even think about asking me if I want a rice cake.
I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your living room.
I'll admit that the "Sands of Iwo Jima" and "Ole Yeller" made me cry.
I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had kids.
I will not conform or compromise on major issues, just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings.
Making love is best, but sometimes I just wanna get laid.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
I believe that you have to fight for what you believe in, even if it means having to die to ensure the rights of others and preserving the Constitution.
I believe that the pledge of allegiance should begin every school day and start every session of Congress.